Raritan River Sea Monster

Believe it or not, this nasty creature was captured by a New Jersey fisherman in 2011. The strange, eel-like beast has a sharp mouth full of teeth, but what is it? And most importantly.. what is it doing in New Jersey?

It turns out that the "monster" is actually a giant sea lamprey, an aggressive species of fresh water parasite that has a tendancy to decimate indigenous fish populations with it's vampiric mouth.

But wait, it gets worse..

Lampreys use their teeth to latch onto their victims, at which point "secretions in the lamprey's mouth prevent the victim's blood from clotting. Victims typically die from excessive blood loss or infection."

Fortunately, the only go after humans when there is nothing else to eat and they get really hungry.  One popular tale of Roman equestrian Publius Vedius Pollio tells of his penchant for feeding his slaves to a pool of pet lampreys.

"Vedius owned a massive villa on the Gulf of Naples, later described by the poet Ovid as "like a city". Most notoriously, he kept a pool of lampreys into which slaves who incurred his displeasure would be thrown as food - a particularly unpleasant means of death, since the lamprey "clamps its mouth on the victim and bores a dentated tongue into the flesh to ingest blood."

Lovely. 

According to New Jersey officials, the nasty little beasts have become increasingly popular in the Raritan River now that aging, decaying dams have been removed. Better start swimming with a sword.

Oh, and before you Midwesterners start feeling safe, know they now lurk in the Great Lakes regions as well. Sweet dreams!